finally after 3yr long year..almost..
my father send 1k back..maybe the storm is slowly over..
at least its a good sign right..

but im such an ass..1 side i paying debt..
the other end im spending twice as much as i pay..
not really twice la..but as last half of it..

i've found out that since the day i start working in casino..
im no longer the old self anymore..
so much have change since then..

wonder is about the debts or just the place im working in change me..
or maybe other issue make what am i today..
so maybe i've just started to see how this world really is..

still in debt of 9k..from what i started 10k - 12k dont really rmb well..
dont want to think back anyway..
oh ya..dont want think back but i still did..

loan another 1.5k to my father..
so still have 9k more..around there i guess..
and my salary is getting lower and lower each month..

and whan just wont leave me be..
she said so much that i seriously dont know what to do..
and yin is always teasing me whenever i go Diva..

and whan coming anot..
felt so F-up seriously..the last 2 time i went she walk pass and told me..
this song is for me " Yak Me Rak Tea Sak Neang Kon "

didnt really rmb how it sound..not even understand what the song really means..
try to find..its about a girl already have a bf..but car accident make her forget who she really is..
and found a new love..just before she can leave the hospital her real bf came..

and she has to choose..im not sure why she said this song is for me..
but if she is referring that she is that girl..
then i know i stand no chance of winning her heart..

plus i've whan to spoil all winning chance..
and i message her what i think about the song..
if she really has another guy likes her..then she dont need to choose..

cos i'll just give up so she wont need to choose..
hopefully i didnt did something i'll regret in the near future..
the very last time i went..

i wonder is she mao or just me..
she never stand so close beside me ever..
seems like she was so happy that day..

wonder is she really happy..if our horoscope is really same..
as in most main point is the same..then she is very sad at that very moment..
thats how we do when we'll sad..we got the most beautiful smile ever..

after i send her those message not a single reply from her..
wonder she is afraid that whan will be the reading what she has to said..
or she just forgive and forget me..

want to go over tonight..but working in the morning is eating up almost all my energy..
have to wait till sat night..but afternoon need bring whan out..
maybe this is how it should always be..

me doing what others really wants..
whan told me if i ever leave her..then she has no one to ever care for her..
bcos no one ever care or love her as i did the last time..

im so helpless i dont even know what to do..
giving up yin is like giving up my happy..
to make whan happy..by staying by her side till death do us apart..

i always wish to have a girl really loves me..
and never leave me..when i was younger..
getting hurt by love is so painful..

and now i've got what i wish for..yet im still painful..
humans never enough..oh ya..
did i said got once i saw kitty at Diva..

its like a year or so never even saw or hear about her..
she still looks the same..mostly..
and i knew it all along she have a bf..

didnt really talk much..anyway she dont talk much..
but just feel kinda fool of myself..
knowing there wont have a good end for myself..

yet i still wish to fall into it..
maybe this is what we call cheap..
really wondering what is yin doing now..

or maybe thinking..of her bf or her son's father..
will i even be in her though for even 1sec..
like in this kind of time..when i didnt even go down..

that day before i finish work and reach home..
i send whan a whatsapp message..
telling her that i had a girl out with my baby of 5months old..

thinking that will make her break up with me..
although i was laughing while on my way home..
but i think that wont work and will only cause myself trouble..

after i reach home she seem so helpless..
and stupid me soften my heart..
telling her i was just joking..

after awhile she told me she actually believe what i said..
before i told her it was just a joke..
although this kind of joke is way too much..

but the despo for me to be alone is even more..
i dont know what i can do..
sometimes i see her i will smile or laugh..

but all those are not from my heart..
whenever i see her my heart pain alot..
so pain till i felt im like a fool for making us both in pain..

seriously dont know what to do..
or cant even do..ppl always said if there is chance for you to do a thing..
but didnt do you will regret it..

doing what you want when chance comes is no regret if things didnt went well..
at least you did what you wanted..
the only regret is when chance is there but didnt do anything about it..

im so afraid i will regret..
but im just so lazy to even move a bit to what i really wants or feel..
and that seriously sux..

i feel so boring and tired..
so many things to do but so little help..
need to pay off debts and so little i can earn..

and need to do RT yet my working place not trying to help me..
changing my shift to morning but still left 3days will crash with my working time..
its hard to change off day then to change to night shift..

i dont even feel like working hard anymore..
working so hard yet nothing in return..
seriously..i've work so hard and i cant get to enjoy..

what kind of life is awaiting for me..
or how worst can it get..

just now when i was on my way home..
many things was running in my mind..

and one of it is still Love..

the Power of Love..is a very Powerful thing you can ever wanted to have..
if im not wrong..i've once heard a mother was unable to walk for nearly 10yrs..
but until this very day..a unit from her living block caught fire..
she was brought to safety by the ppl who is running for live..
but she never thought her son came home early and was still inside slping..

as when she heard her only son crying for help..
and no one was daring enough to save that poor little boy..
and the firemen was still on their way..
as her mother cant wait and see..the Power of Love give her the power..
to once again walk, run and jump..
although when she save her only son..just before they both was able to run out unharm..
a brick from the building drop on her mother's leg..
although she was only able to move her legs for few minutes..
but it was more then enough..

that is what its call The Power Of Love..in a good side..
but what abt ppl who gets hurt from someone they really love..
it will be Inimaginable..but the story will be on next post ^^

Woop~ im back..

everytime when im on my way home from work..

i will listen Class 95Fm is a Singapore Radio Station ^^

Night time 9pm onwards is abt Love..

ppl sms or e-mail their Love Life no matter Good or Bad..

and i've thought of 1 Love Story..

here is goes~

I'm a normal person like every other normal ppl living in this world..

until this very day..i dream of someone so special i think we know each other since the day i was born..but i cant see or hear her..but this very night..

i took this bus..there was this girl..i felt she was the one i've been dreaming abt..

so i decided to sit near her..and ask whether i saw her somewhere..

and on the way home in the bus we chat..

before i alight i wanted keep in contact with her..so i've ask for her number..

but she didnt give..she said she has no handphone..

but she took down mine number instead..

after a few days..i didnt saw her and there is no way i can contact her..

and before i feel like giving up..a sms came ringing on my phone..

she asked me out for a date..

although our first date was kinda weird..we went to places where has nearly no ppl at all..

and as time goes by..i wanted show my frenz to her..

but this very thing is weird..even if she was beside me..no one else is able to see her..

starting i thought my frenz was playing..but the very next second she was gone..

gone in my life..so i try checking her online..and i realise she was not in this world since 20yrs ago..which is the day i was born..starting it freak me out..but now i miss her so..

love speaks no age, background and your level..but ghost and human..

i think it doesnt matters too~ so now im on my way to find her where she is..

thank you for reading my Love Story on air..and now im finding my love..

okie~ thats all for my Love Story..

its kinda long..but dont you find it touching ^^

okie im going play my game..thats all for now i think ^^

I seriously dont know what to post anymore..

i just cant find back what i've lost for the past few yrs..

and myself..haiz~

anyway..i just rmb..im 1 step closer to my dream~

hope im not too lazy to done everything by the date..

so i'll have a unforgetable..haha XD not gonna say it out =P

so thats it..still sick..feel so weak..

hope i can live till that very day..

I WANT THE POWER OF MIND READING..

playing guess game is so hard~

damn~ im having slight fever now lar..

hate to fall sick..why cant just let me fall in love..haiz~

weaker each day..

wondering am i going die or what~

trying real hard to find someone that love me..

and i've forgot how was i like..

what my true self is..

maybe things should change now..

finding myself then finding someone to love me..

haha XD how was i really like..? i wonder..